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A New Journey

Writing is something I’m passionate about, but writing a blog is something I’ve avoided like the plague. So many people have encouraged me to create what you’ve stumbled upon today, but I made excuses not to do it. It’s narcissistic to think anyone would want to read about my life or what I have to say. Who has time to sit around reading about other peoples’ lives, anyway? I sure as hell don’t. It’s terrifying to feel exposed and have something so personal become public. I thought the idea of writing a blog in past tense was stupid. I said, “It’s too late, I should have started a blog a year or two ago.” And it’s true; I should have. But I can’t change the past, and I need to take advantage of the present before it, too, becomes the past. Someone told me, “A blog can be anything you make it.” So I’m going to make it something.

I am a widow and not yet 30 years old. How my “fate” or “bad luck” landed me here, I won’t venture to guess. It’s selfish to make it about me, when my husband is the one who is gone, who’s life was slowly snatched from him.

People deal with loss differently. I think it’s too soon for me to decide how I feel about my journey following my husband’s death and how I dealt with it. I’m proud of some things and not so proud of others. What I can be proud of is the person and wife that I was when he was dying.

This blog will be a look at my journey through my husband’s cancer, my time of grief traveling the world following his death, and my attempt at putting the pieces of my life back together again. I titled my blog “My Feet Will Lead Me” because this whole process has been about putting one foot in front of the other, and trusting that there will be a path there – trusting that somehow, if I just keep going, eventually I will be as close to being whole again as possible. And as you will eventually see, my feet became comically involved in nearly all my travels in one way or another.

Writing feeds my soul; everyone should try it, even if having a reader is never the objective. Since time continues to pass, and the earth continues to rotate, my life too, has to go on. With that comes daily challenges that may or not be related to the loss of my husband. Therefore, my posts may bounce back and forth between my day to day life and the past that has brought me here. It may not always be in chronological order. Sorry to those who’s methodical and orderly brains are disrupted by this – I know mine is, but I have no alternative.

I hope even just one person can find something positive from reading this: maybe some comfort, a sense of commonality, or a perspective of treasuring those in your life while they’re still here. Thank you for reading and giving me a deeper sense of purpose.

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